


Dreaming Of You

by eversinceniall



Category: Pierce the Veil, Sleeping With Sirens
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Apocalypse, Betrayal, Bickering, Childhood Friends, Confusion, End of the World, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Falling In Love, Flashbacks, Flirting, Idiots in Love, It's not zombies, Kissing, Lack of Communication, Love Confessions, Love/Hate, M/M, Parties, People start disappearing, Pining, Unrequited Love, except not really, except they actually don't, kellin fucked vic over in the past, they hate each other, vic is still really hurt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-24
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2019-01-04 19:51:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12175521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eversinceniall/pseuds/eversinceniall
Summary: Kellin Quinn and Vic Fuentes used to be the best of friends when they were younger. Then a huge fight occurred, and from then on, way into their college years, they've hated each other's guts. But now it's the end of the world and they're spending it together. People are disappearing out of thin air, and who's to say Kellin and Vic won't be next? Can they resolve the problems they have and work everything out? Because somewhere along the way, Kellin has started to fall in love with his charming ex best friend, and sworn enemy,  Vic.





	1. Part A: One

// ****

**Kellin**

//

 

The room was overcrowded and stuffy to the point of annoyance, but I was so anxious and jittery that I didn't care about the fact that I could barely breathe, or that the guy next to me stunk of BO. Okay, maybe I cared about the latter just the tiniest bit.

I glanced around the room, looking for Oliver. Oli and I had been friends for a couple years now, and tonight was the night I was finally going to tell him I liked him. The crush had appeared out of nowhere a few months back, and when it refused to go away, I decided that I had to take a chance and go for it. Maybe I would be pleasantly surprised, and Oli would like me back.

I wasn't usually the kind of person who told someone when I liked them. I was more of a 'I'll take this to the grave even if I'm deathly in love with you' sort of person. That made it all the more surprising that I had somehow worked up the courage to go through with this.

My stomach flipped as I spotted the top of Oli's head through the crowd. He was so tall it was hard not to spot him, and he was coming straight towards me.

I gulped, taking in a deep breath and plastering a smile on my face as he came to a stop in front of me.

He looked good, his hair curled to perfection and hazel eyes outlined in eyeliner. His long legs were encased in a pair of jeans that left little to the imagination. He looked right fancy compared to myself.

"Kells!" He greeted cheerfully, pulling me in for a short hug that left my heart beating just a bit faster.

"Hey," I said, resting one of my hands on my hip while the other cradled my drink. "How are you?"

Oliver shrugged, looking a little down. "I could be better. Alissa stood me up tonight."

Score! I thought to myself. I did feel bad for him though, because he didn't deserve to be stood up. He was far too sweet and kind for that. But mostly, I just felt satisfied. Alissa clearly didn't appreciate what she had, and that meant I might be able to appreciate him the way she hadn't.

"I'm so sorry." I said sincerely, resting a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Are you guys alright?"

"Who knows," he said, but I could tell he was faking his nonchalance about the topic. "Alissa doesn't know what she wants."

"I do," I said softly, letting my hand fall from his shoulder.

Oli's eyes flickered to mine, his eyebrows drawn together in confusion. "Oh, yeah? What's that then?"

"I like you, Oli. Like, I've got feelings for you." I admitted, biting down on my bottom lip because I didn't trust myself not to blurt out something ridiculous in my anxious, nerve riddled state.

"Oh," Oliver said, his eyes widening in realization as he caught onto what I was saying. He paused, hesitation and pity clear in his eyes, and that was when I knew I'd fucked up. "Kells, I'm sorry. I don't -"

I raised my hand in the air, signaling for him to stop talking, and he did. I could handle rejection, but I couldn't handle hearing one of those typical 'I only see you as a friend' speeches.

"It's okay. It's fine. I - uh, I get it. Understood. You don't like me back." I said, chuckling nervously as I tried to stop rambling on and on.

"Kell-"

"I'm -" I pointed at a random location behind me. "I'm just gonna go over there. I'll see you later, yeah?"

I didn't wait for a response before turning on my heel and walking in the opposite direction as quickly as I could. I could feel Oli's gaze burning a hole into my back, but I pretended I didn't notice and kept walking until I got lost in the crowd.

I wasn't the type of person who cried over rejection, but I definitely felt mortified. My cheeks were bright red, and when I lifted one hand to my face, my skin was hot to the touch.

Fucking Oli.

"Aw, are you going to cry because no one loves you?" Vic taunted.

I could recognize that voice anywhere. The sound of his voice right next to my ear made me whip my head up to glare at him.

He was standing there, dressed in all black attire, and sporting his usual arrogant attitude. It radiated off him in waves. His hair was messy and yet somehow still perfect, styled like he'd just gotten out of bed looking amazing. The sight of him made my blood boil.

Just by looking at his face, the satisfied smirk and eyebrow cocked in my direction, I knew that he knew. How he knew, I had no idea, but he did.

"Fuck you!" I growled, feeling momentarily enraged. Of course he would use my rejection against me. He knew just what to do and say to get under my skin, though to be quite honest, all I had to do was look at him and I was immediately annoyed.

How could he taunt me when I was heartbroken? What kind of cold-hearted son of a bitch picked on someone because their crush had rejected them? Then again, it was just like him to kick me when I was down. It wasn't like he had anything better to do.

Vic smirked, his eyes cold, and voice even colder. "Sorry, not interested. Just like Oliver isn't."

I stared at him, wide-eyed. I couldn't believe he'd just said that to me. Was he really going to stand there and insult me for the sheer pleasure of it? It was as though he got some sort of sick, twisted satisfaction out of causing me pain.

I didn't know why I had expected any better of him. After all, this had been his routine for the past five years of our lives, and I should have been used to it. In a way, I was. But it never hurt any less to be stepped all over like you were dirt by someone you used to love.

I didn't show it, and I never would, but his words truly did hurt me. You know that saying, 'sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me' wa spite and absolute bullshit. In reality, words could cut like knives, and leaves scars deeper than any stone ever could.

I was a sensitive person, and Vic used to know that. In fact, he used to know a whole lot about me, but he didn't anymore. When everything changed between us, I had to change, too. All I was allowed to be around him these days was cold, calm and collected. The three C's. If I kept myself calm and indifferent to the insults he slurred at me, then I would be alright. If I showed how much everything he said really hurt me, then he would step all over me, even more than he already did.

I crossed my arms over my chest and allowed drunken people to stumble past me on their way into the kitchen, sometimes knocking their shoulders into mine.

"At least I have something you don't. Friends." I said, and I was aware that my words were petty, but I couldn't help myself. I had never been good at insults, at hurting people. It just wasn't in my nature. Unfortunately, I was good at allowing them to hurt me, and hurt me they did.

But then again, who was I to complain about getting insulted and feeling hurt? I deserved the words Vic spat at me everyday for what I had done to him. It was only fair.

"So Jaime doesn't count as a friend?" Vic asked, his voice for once lacking the hostility I was accustomed to.

"No, he's not. You do realize he's using you, don't you? All he wants is to get into your pants." I told him.

I wanted my words to hurt him the way he hurt me, but I didn't have to put much effort into being mean or creative with those words because what I was saying was the truth, after all.

If what I said had any effect on him whatsoever, his face didn't give it away. But he'd always been good at containing his true feelings. I hated that about him, that I could never tell what he was thinking, even back then. His poker face was truly excellent.

"You know," Vic said, taking a drink from the red cup in his hand, which I presumed was filled with rum or whiskey of sorts. I watched him take a tiny, little baby sip, and it pissed me off how he drank his alcohol like he was tasting some kind of expensive wine instead of drinking like a normal person. "Even if that was true, I wouldn't really mind. Because at least - unlike you - someone wants to fuck me."

"You're a fucking asshole." I said lowly, getting fed up with him. My hands were clenched into fists at my sides as I tried to keep my anger under check. I wasn't a violent person, and I wasn't a fighter either, but I was real tempted to punch him. I wanted to see the look of utter shock flash across his face right before I knocked him the fuck out.

What I did to him was a shitty thing, and I knew that. I would never forgive myself for what I'd done, and I had to live with the guilt for the rest of my life. But I wished he could just get over it, allow the past to be the past, and stop trying to hurt me in any possible way.

I had treated him badly, yes, but why couldn't we just be civil human beings? Why did he have to use every moment we spent together as an excuse to stomp on my feelings?

Because the truth was, it was working. Everything he said got to me. His cruel words were buried into my skin. The had burrowed themselves under my flesh and hidden away there, creeping out to remind me of how worthless I was when I was least expecting it.

I knew I deserved the things he did and said to me, but that didn't mean I had to like it. It was tiring to deal with everyday.

I hated him.

I hated him so much.

I didn't before, but I did now. He made me hate him after all these years. How could you not hate someone when they insulted you on a daily basis? After years of verbal abuse, I couldn't like him. Vic was not the person I used to know. He'd changed, but I supposed I had too. It was sad to think that I was the reason he'd changed, though.

"I know," Vic's voice, sounding smug, drew me out of thoughts. I had been so absorbed in my own mind that it took me a moment to realize he was responding to my 'you're a fucking asshole' comment.

"That's not something to be proud of." I said.

"Neither were you, but I made that mistake." He said, and his voice was different now. The coldness was gone, and in its place bitterness was left behind. His eyes were strangely glassy, and although he'd still spoken in a hard tone of voice, there was an underlying softness to it. I wondered if he was remembering us, and everything we used to be.

I thought of it often, of us. I tried not to, but every time I saw him, I could only think of how close we were and how suddenly it all changed. No matter what bad memories are created, there will always be the good ones still in place, a leftover reminder of happier times.

"It wasn't a mistake," I said, the words slipping out of my mouth without prevail. I hadn't intended to say that, but no matter how much he hated me, I wanted him to know. Needed him to know. "You weren't a mistake. Not to me."

Vic's eyes hardened once more, and the coldness returned. "Don't lie. I'm not a fool. You told me yourself I was just a silly little mistake. If I wasn't, you wouldn't have left, aren't I right? Don't try to change the story now."

I looked at him in silence. He didn't seem angry, just tired, exasperated even. This moment was different than our usual encounters. Usually we insulted each other back and forth until I got too upset and left to go calm down.

We didn't do this - whatever this was. We didn't get so close to talking about the real issue at hand here; about our feelings and everything that had happened.

The truth was, I didn't want to talk about it, about us, about me and what I'd done. I couldn't talk about it. Some things aren't meant to be told, and this was one of them.

Suddenly, I didn't know what to say. It was on very rare occasion that I was left speechless, but here I was. I was getting too close to telling the truth, and I wanted to, I really did. But I just couldn't. It wasn't the right time. I didn't think it ever would be.

"I can't deal with you right now." I told him, a last ditch effort to deflect the conversation and keep myself from saying something I might regret.

I grabbed a bottle of vodka off the kitchen table, still sealed shut, and pushed my way through the crowds of people partying and dancing, grinding up against one another. I cast one last glance behind me, but Vic was gone.

I went upstairs. This was my best friend Justin's house, so I knew he wouldn't mind if I crashed in his bedroom. His door was unlocked, which was a pleasant surprise. He normally locked it so that horny couples couldn't barge in and have sex on his bed. He must have forgotten.

Luckily for me, there was no one in the room when I entered.

I locked the door behind me so that nobody could come in, and flopped down onto Justin's queen bed, my body relaxing into the soft mattress. I opened the bottle of vodka with a bit of a struggle and took a long gulp, wincing at the burn as it slid down my throat.

I was the most depressing creature on planet earth, that was for sure. Here I was, lying on my best friend's bed alone, with only a bottle of vodka to keep me company while a raging party went on downstairs. I could be down there, having fun. I could be getting drunk with friends and mingling with other guests.

But that didn't appeal to me anymore. I didn't want any of that. Vic had ruined my night. Wait, scratch that; Oliver had ruined my night when he rejected me, when he said he thought of me as only a friend. I knew he hadn't actually said those words, but he was thinking them, that was for certain.

Stupid Oliver Sykes.

But most of all, stupid me.

I should have known nothing good would come out of telling him I had a crush on him. He had a girlfriend, for Christ's sake. But for one moment, with alcohol flooding my system, that hadn't mattered. I thought maybe he would pick me.

No one ever picked me.

I was too hopeful. Too hopeful that all my dreams would come true and I would live happily ever after like in the movies. That wasn't a good thing, because I got my hopes up, only for them to come crashing down.

So I drank the vodka, until I had downed half the bottle. I wasn't tipsy at that point. I was downright drunk. Ridiculously drunk, especially after the vodka, which hadn't even been my first drink of the night.

But somehow, even through the fuzziness of my mind, I held myself back from doing anything stupid, like going downstairs, standing on a table and proclaiming my love for Oliver in front of everyone, only to get rejected again. I knew that wouldn't go over very well.

Whatever. I didn't love him anyway. If there was one thing I was certain of, it was that.

After a while, I passed out, and much to my displeasure, I dreamed of Vic's almond colored eyes. It seemed even in sleep, I couldn't escape him.

And I kept saying I hated him, but I didn't know if that was really true. I didn't know anything anymore but one thing I was sure of was that every time I said I hated him, it felt like a lie.

I didn't think I could ever hate him, and I mean truly hate him, even throughout all the terrible things he said and did.

That wouldn't stop me from saying I did though.


	2. Part A: Two

There was a banging on the door, and my head hurt, and I wanted whoever it was to go away. But they didn't, and the banging didn't stop either. Instead, there was an addition of shouting, getting louder and louder until I had no choice but to blink my blurry eyes open, and sit up. There was no way I could sleep with all the noise. As much of a deep sleeper I was, there were some things that couldn't be blocked out.

When I stopped and listened, I could hear Vic's voice from the other side of the door. He was shouting, and telling me to open the damn door already before he kicked it in. I'd like to see him try.

I stood up, the best I could, and stumbled over to the door, flipping the lock, and swinging it open.

Vic looked up when he saw the door open, and made a face at the sight of me. "You look fucking horrible," he said.

I rolled my eyes at his bluntness. I knew I did, and he didn't have to state the obvious. My shirt was wrinkled and my hair was a mess, but then again, so was I. Ah, the wonderful after effects of alcohol.

But I didn't really care about how I looked at the moment. I was too hungover to care, and my head was still throbbing, making me wince at the pain. Not to mention my mouth tasted rancid, like alcohol and cotton. All I really cared about was the fact that he'd woken me up for what seemed like no apparent reason.

"But... you're alive." He said, and then he did the unexpected and gently caressed my face, his thumb sliding over my cheek bone.

There was a relieved look in his eyes, and I was confused beyond belief. I was too hungover for whatever this was so I pushed him away, and took a step back.

"What do you want?" I grumbled, running a hand through my tangled hair.

"Okay, don't be a grouch. There's-" He stopped, a look of actual panic spreading across his face. "There's some weird shit going on, and you need to come downstairs, like right now."

"What are you talking about?" I asked, already annoyed and slightly fed up with how vague he was being.

"People are - People are disappearing. Like, out of thin fucking air."

"What?"

"Almost everyone from the party is gone. All that's left is me, Justin, Jaime, and Oli. They sent me to get you because Justin said he'd seen you going up here last night. I was beginning to think you had disappeared, too."

"Okay, I don't know if you think this is fucking funny, but it's really not. I get that you're trying to pull some cruel prank on me like the dickhead you are, but I'm not falling for this." I said, taking a step back, ready to shut the door in his face and go back to sleep.

Vic rolled his eyes, completely ignoring what I'd said, and grabbed me by the wrist, leaving me no other option but to follow him downstairs. I tried to get out of his grip, but he was too strong for me.

Downstairs standing in the living room were the rest of the guys. Justin and Jaime were sat down, watching as Oli paced the room anxiously. Vic and I stopped at the bottom of the staircase and I noticed he was still holding onto me. I pulled my wrist out of his grasp, and walked over to the others. They looked up as they sensed me approaching.

"What's going on?" I asked. "Where are the rest of the people from last night?"

Usually the morning after a big party there would be a few stragglers, people who stayed behind to chat or people who were still too hungover to move. Now though, there were none. In fact, like Vic had said, the only people in the house were Jaime, Oliver, Justin, Vic, and myself. I was pretty sure it wasn't because people were disappearing though. That wasn't logical.

Oli stopped walking around the room, and looked at me. "Vic didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?" I asked, somewhat nervously. I was kind of scared about what was going on. It did seem unusual how worried Justin looked. And I would know. Justin was my best friend, and he never got worried. He was the most chill person I knew, and seemed to always be calm no matter the situation.

"People are just disappearing," Oli said with a deadly serious tone of voice. His face wasn't cracking either like it normally would when he was trying not to laugh, and I could tell it wasn't a joke, or a prank. He was speaking the truth, which meant Vic wasn't lying.

I looked to the rest of the guys for confirmation, and both Justin and Jaime nodded their heads grimly, confirming what he said to be true. I felt my stomach turn, and suddenly my hangover didn't seem like such a big deal. What was a headache when people were disappearing for no reason?

"How? Why?" I asked, like they knew. I knew they knew about as much as I did, but still. I had to ask, just in case.

"How are supposed to know?" Jaime spoke up rudely. It wasn't just his words, but more the way he said it that made it obvious he intended to be sharp. "People are just gone. One minute you're standing there having a conversation with them, and the next 'poof.' They're fucking gone. They just disappear right in front of your eyes. How the hell are we supposed to know the reason for it, Kellin?"

I flinched, hating the harshness of his voice. What he had just described sent shivers down my spine. Was this really happening right now? Was this even scientifically possible? I shoved those thoughts to the back of my mind for later.

"I was just asking, Jaime!" I said in just as rude a tone as he had. "I'm shocked, okay? I woke up, and instantly it's sprung on me that people are fucking disappearing. Is it so wrong to ask questions?"

"When none of us know the answer to said questions, then yes, it is."

I huffed angrily, biting my tongue to keep from saying anything else. It was clear that he just wanted to start a fight, and I wasn't about to give him one. I ignored him, and turned to look at Justin. "Have you turned on the news?"

"Yeah, but nothing is airing right now. It's all static. Every channel."

"Fuck," I cursed, feeling my stomach flip from the nerves. "Well what about the radio?"

"We found a few stations that worked. One was notable. There was a man, and he was talking about how he'd seen someone vanish right before his eyes. He sounded panicked, and there were people calling in saying they'd seen the same things happen to their family or friends. We listened for a while, but then the guy stopped talking, so we're guessing he's gone now, too."

"Oh my god." I whispered. I felt overwhelmed, like I might fall down. All this sudden information was so hard to take in, and even harder to believe. "What do we do now?"

Vic spoke up. He was still standing over by the staircase, leaning against the wall. "I don't know about you, princess, but I think it might be the end of the world. So what do you suggest we do in a situation like this?"

"Collect food?" I asked, the first thing that came to mind. That was one of the most important things in all the apocalyptic movies and tv shows I'd seen. Food and safety.

"Well if everyone disappears at the rate they are now, then I don't think we'll have an issue with food." Vic said, with a laugh that made me feel like I was being mocked.

"Hey, wait, I think Kellin has a good idea. It's the end of the world, isn't it? So let's raid Walmart for junk food and get shitfaced before we disappear, too." Justin said, and I had never been more grateful towards someone for taking my side.

The rest of the boys, excluding Vic, murmured their agreement to the plan.

Vic crossed his arms over his chest and huffed, obviously not happy. I rolled my eyes at his childish behavior, and turned back to Justin.

"Do you really think we should just carry on like normal? Shouldn't we do something?" I asked, though I didn't know what. It seemed wrong - no, not necessarily wrong, but strange to do nothing when everything and everyone was fading away.

As much as partying sounded like fun, I wasn't sure it was the best idea. Then again, I didn't know if I wanted to take my chances and wander out on my own, separated from the group. If it really was the apocalypse, then there was no saying what people might do. I knew how crazy some people could be when they had no rules or laws to restrict them.

"It's not like there's anything we can do." Justin said. "There's no way to stop this. You can't stop something that's bound to happen. And if the world really is ending - which it seems like it is - then why not have fun with it? I don't want to waste the little time I have left trying to change something I probably can't change. I want to have fun. I want to do the things I've never done before. And I want to do them tonight, while I've still got the chance."

"Okay." I agreed, because he was right, and even if I did still have some doubts, I wasn't about to voice them. The logical one was always the hated one.

And besides, if there was ever a time to get drunk and have a party, then it was now, before I couldn't.

"Then let's go."

//

"There's nobody here." Jaime whispered in awe as we stood in the entrance to Walmart. The parking lot had been full of cars, so we'd automatically assumed that the store would be crowded, but that assumption had decreased significantly when we'd realized that no one was either coming out of or going into the store. Now it was obvious that there was no one inside at all.

"Wow." I said, looking around the place. Walmart looked so bare and empty when there weren't any people wandering the aisles, or pushing their carts around. It seemed bigger, too. Never-ending, almost.

"I guess we won't have to pay." I heard Oli say from behind me.

"Alright," Justin said. "I think we should split up into groups. Jaime, Oliver, and I can get the liquor, and Vic and Kellin can get the food. We'll meet back here in 30 minutes."

I didn't know when Justin had declared himself the leader, but I hadn't cared up until this point. It was just like him to partner me up with Vic, of all people.

"Why him?" Vic asked, shooting me a dirty look.

I glared at him. "Think I'm happy with this?" I wasn't, hell to the no. It wasn't like I had asked to be paired up with him. He was the last person I would choose. Now I was bitter, just knowing that the next 30 minutes were most likely going to consist of him insulting me, and being a jerk in general.

"Hey, I put you guys together for a reason." Justin said with a smirk, before dragging Oliver and Jaime off down the aisles. Damn Justin. Knowing him, he'd probably put us together for his own amusement, the little prick. He loved fucking with me, that was for sure.

I grabbed a random cart that was thrown to the side, and started to walk down the frozen food aisles. I could hear Vic's feet thud against the tile flooring as he caught up to me.

It was pretty weird because there were abandoned carts everywhere with food, and even purses left in them, though that was to be expected.

It was like everyone had just disappeared. Oh, wait, they had. My mind still couldn't seem to fully grasp what was happening. It was like I was watching movie, but I was the main character and I had to wait and see how it played out.

"Ice cream?" I asked as I opened up the freezer door.

Vic nodded. He wasn't really paying attention to me though, his eyes elsewhere. I wondered if he felt as awkward as I did.

"What kind?"

"The usual."

I grabbed one container of Mint Chocolate Chip, and tossed it in the cart. It was odd to realize that I remembered his favorite ice cream, but I guess some things just stick with you.

Vic bumped his shoulder against mine to get my attention. It was such an unusual gesture that for a second, I was startled. I looked up at him, a questioning look on my face.

"You remembered my favorite ice cream?" He asked, surprised.

"Of course. We were friends for sixteen years. How can I forget that?" I asked, because rally, how could I? "You used to always have it for your birthday, and then on mine I'd make sure to buy you your own container of ice cream because you didn't like anything other than Mint Chocolate fucking Chip. And if I didn't, you'd whine and complain until I drove to the store and bought it."

"I was fourteen." He said, like that was an excuse. It wasn't. He used to be such an obnoxious little twit, but I had loved him.

"Do you remember mine?" I asked out of curiosity. I was sort of hoping he did, though I was trying to keep my expectations low, just in case he didn't.

"Birthday cake. 'Because when I eat it, I can pretend everyday is my birthday.'" He quoted thirteen year old me. "You were so lame."

I shoved him lightly on the shoulder, but it was more playful than anything else. "Me, lame? I am no such thing. And besides, you know my birthday was my favorite day."

"Why? Because that day is all about you?" He teased, looking down on me. "Your own little day where everyone treats you like a king."

"No... It was my favorite day because you would always give me a special present, and I never knew what it was going to be. I loved when you'd make me things, because you would put so much effort into one little gift. Songs, though. Those were my favorite. I never knew what to expect, and I always looked forward to it. It was like, the highlight of my day." I admitted, rambling on without intending to. It was just - it was nice, to reminisce. And I missed those things. I missed how close we used to be.

There was a sudden awkward silence hanging in the space between us. For a second I had been so caught up in the moment that I'd forgotten we were supposed to hate each other. Yet here we were, talking like we were still the best of friends.

Maybe it was the reminiscing on the past that had brought us back to reality, because those times - my favorite times - no longer existed, and he hadn't been a part of my life in five long years.

"Sorry." I said, but I didn't really know what I was apologizing for. I just felt the overwhelming need to say it to fill the silence.

He was turned away from me now, and I couldn't see his face to tell what he was feeling. But I could see the slight bob of his head as he nodded, and then his voice as he said, "It's okay."

"Vic?' I asked, and I was close to him now. I reached my hand up and touched his shoulder. It was weird to touch him, and that me feel kind of angry, but mostly just empty. It fucking sucked that something as simple as touching was a foreign aspect in our relationship when we used to be attached at the hip.

But the sad truth was that I hadn't touched him in any sort of way that wasn't violent, like an aggressive shove or push in a long while.

He turned around to face me. His eyes were sad, and I wanted to take all that sadness away with a snap of my fingers. Even if it meant I had to carry it, I would.

That was an unusual realization to have - that I would carry the weight just for him to smile - but I hated to see him like that. He might have been my enemy, but even throughout all the shitty things that had transpired between us, I still cared for him even after all these years.

I tried to pretend he didn't mean anything to me, but I was fooling myself. I'd always be a sucker for him, and his pretty brown eyes. That, and the way one look could make you melt right where you were standing. He was the master of the puppy eyes, and even if he were to do it now, I'd still fall for it.

"Do you remember what Justin said back at the house? About wanting to do the things you've never done before?" Vic asked, and I just now realized how close he was. I was starting to regret stepping so far into his personal space. I wouldn't be surprised if he were to punch me right now.

"Uh huh," I murmured. I didn't know what he was talking about, or what it was he wanted to do that he hadn't done before. Mostly, I was thinking about how I would dodge the punch he was most likely planning in his head.

He took a step forward, and I backed up instinctively, a little afraid. I might have been taller, but he had more muscle. He kept walking forward, and I kept backing away until my back hit the ice cold freezer door, which I could feel through the thin material of my shirt. He had this look in his eyes that frightened me, mostly because I didn't know what it was.

He leaned in then, so close I could feel his minty breath hitting my face. He was smirking that signature smirk of his, and I was just about to open my mouth and ask him what the hell he was doing, when suddenly, without any warning, his lips were pressed against mine.

I was surprised. Which, was to be expected, because it wasn't everyday that your former best friend and now sworn enemy kisses you. My eyes wouldn't flutter shut like they usually would when someone kissed me, so instead I was left wide eyed, staring at him though his eyes were closed and he wasn't looking back.

I didn't kiss him back.

I was in such a shock that I felt like I couldn't move. But his lips were persistent, and he lifted his hands from his sides and placed them on my waist. His hands were big and warm, the heat soaking through the material of my shirt, and he pressed himself up against me, so that I could feel every inch of his hard chest lined up with mine.

And it felt good. Like, really fucking good.

Slowly, so very slowly, I allowed my eyes to slip shut, and lifted my hand up to touch his hair. I'd always loved his hair. It was so soft back then, and I found that that hadn't changed. I could almost catch a whiff of that vanilla scented shampoo he used to use, too.

I was supposed to hate him, and you didn't usually kiss the people you hated, but I didn't think I'd ever really hated him, and right now, I only felt content. All the anger and annoyance and resentment I had for him faded away in that moment, until all I could focus on was the way he touched me, and how utterly good it felt to be kissing him, finally.

His kisses made me feel like I was a match coming to light. A rush of heat started in my chest and slowly spread throughout my body, reaching every last limb. I never wanted him to let go of me, because I never wanted to lose this feeling.

But eventually, he did. He had to. It wasn't like we could keep kissing until we both disappeared. Until then, we needed air.

He pulled back, and smiled. It was strange to see him smiling at me the way he used to, all fond and happy, like I was the most important thing to ever happen to him. I smiled back, still feeling unsure and hesitant. I didn't know what the hell had just happened, but I liked it, that was for sure.

"I guess I can cross that off my list." Vic said, and after a few heartbeats of silence as we stared at one another, his words hanging in the air, he turned, and proceeded to walk away like nothing had ever taken place.

I stared at his back as he walked away, opening freezer doors and tossing random items into our empty cart with ease. Had that really happened? Did he kiss me, or was I dreaming? It didn't feel like a dream.

It felt surreal. As far as I knew, he hated me - and for good reason, at that. So why the hell had that kiss just happened? What made my head spin even more was that he'd been the one to instigate it.

All the times I'd imagined Vic and I kissing, I'd been the one to instigate it, to finally take that step. But it hadn't been me.

Not me.

Him.


	3. Part A: Three

We met back at the front of the store after thirty minutes, as was planned. Justin, Oli, and Jaime had a shitload of alcohol, more than I thought we would even need. There were at least three bottles of wine, and two six packs of beer in the cart they were pushing around.

Vic and I had collected quite a bit of food ourselves. There were three bags of jumbo sized chips, two containers of ice cream, a large plate of cheesecake, a container of twelve donuts, M&Ms, some Snickers' bars, and a few frozen pizzas. Not to mention, those were only the things on the top that were in clear view.

Vic wasn't talking to me. He hadn't uttered a single word since he kissed me out of nowhere. I knew I could have said something too, but I felt all anxious and nervous even thinking about talking about what had happened. He was the one who kissed me, so he should be the one explaining himself.

Instead, he was staying silent, which was surprising because he was never quiet like this. When he liked me, he talked and joked around, and when he hated me, he mocked and insulted me. He was never just silent, and that made me even more uneasy than I already was.

As we walked through the store, he made sure to walk at least five feet ahead of me, and kept his head down. I didn't say anything or ask any questions, because I was afraid of what the answer might be. I was a coward, I could admit to that.

I trailed behind him, my head not quite right. I was - in all honesty - pretty dizzy at the moment. My mind was an absolute wreck, full of questions that couldn't be answered. I felt a million lightyears away from everything that was happening right now, like I was watching life happen through a glass screen.

Oli licked his lips, and looked up at me as we joined the rest of the group. "Boy that food looks good." He smiled. "I'm starving."

I smiled back, and nodded in agreement. I only swooned a little at his pearly white smile. I was a bit too confused about what had happened in the store to pine after him like a fool. I saw him look at me curiously, like he knew there was something not quite right, but I ignored his looks of concern, and turned to Justin.

"How are we gonna fit all this in the car?" I asked, gesturing to the two carts, overflowing with items. It was the most I'd ever bought at a store.

Well, technically we didn't buy the stuff, we took it. That made me feel a little bad, like I'd just robbed the place. Was it still considered stealing if it was the end of the world?

He shrugged. "It shouldn't be a problem. You can hold some of the liquor in your lap, and we'll put the food in the trunk."

"Okay." I agreed, and we wheeled our carts out of the store.

We were halfway to the car when I felt a presence to my left and turned to see Oliver walking beside me. He was already looking at me when I glanced at his face.

"What's up?" I asked.

"Oh, nothing. Are you alright?"

I shrugged, casual. "Why wouldn't I be?"

But I couldn't help but allow my eyes to wander over to Vic, who was walking with Jaime, and laughing about something I didn't know anything about. His smile was so mesmerizing, the dimples in his cheeks deepening as his lips turned up. Even when we weren't on the best of terms, I couldn't deny that his smile was beautiful. Everything about him was.

He was looking at the ground, and then he glanced up, and his eyes met mine. He quickly averted his gaze back to the ground, and that stung a little bit. It was clear he was trying to keep his distance from me. At least, that was how it felt. Maybe I wasn't alright.

"I don't know. You seem a little out of it." Oli remarked, drawing my attention back to him.

"Well, I'm fine. " I said, with an over the top smile, hoping he would get the hint and drop the subject.

Oli seemed to catch on, and didn't push it. "So, I was thinking about what you said last night." He said, changing the subject.

I gave him a look of confusion, my eyebrows knitted together, until it dawned on me that I had confessed my feelings for him the night before in a drunken stupor. It seemed like days had past since then.

"And?" I promoted, unsure where he was heading with this. I hoped he wasn't about to try to let me down easy again.

"And... I was thinking we could try things out. If you want to."

I stared at him, shocked. What the hell was with the sudden change in direction? Just last night he'd made it clear he felt nothing of the sort for me. Unless... I felt a rush of anger as I came to the conclusion that the only reason he wanted me now was most likely because Alissa had vanished just like the rest of the world, and now he was single.

"What about Alissa?" I asked finally.

He tried to put on an innocent face, but I saw right through it. "I like you. Things with Alissa and I weren't working out, and when I thought about it, I realized I would rather be with you."

I still wasn't completely convinced he was telling the truth. He and Alissa had been together for a year and a half, so I found it hard to believe that he could just change his mind about their relationship so quickly.

"Yeah? Are you sure she didn't disappear and you want someone to fuck at the end of the world?" I asked, the words coming out sharper than intended.

A look of hurt crossed his face, and he seemed offended. "You really think I would do that? That I would just ditch Alissa and get with you because I want someone to fuck? It's nice to know what you think of me. "

Fuck.

I felt waves of guilt crash down over me. I realized then that I had been way too harsh. "Oli," I called out just as we reached the car, but he sped up and walked ahead of me, pretending like he didn't hear me.

"Trouble in paradise?" Vic asked mockingly as he walked by me. He was already gone and helping load things into the trunk before I could reply.

I sighed, clenching my hands into fists at my sides. Stupid Vic. He thought he could kiss me, and then act like he hadn't while resorting back to his old ways? Screw that. I wouldn't let him pretend like that kiss hadn't happened. I wanted an explanation, and I was sure as hell going to get one.

But first, I had to apologize to Oli. I had jumped to conclusions, and hurt his feelings. That wasn't right of me. I felt like a horrible person, and I knew I needed to fix things between us.

//

The drive back to Justin's house was all kinds of awful. Justin drove; he always did, and Jaime called shotgun.

Which meant I was stuck in the backseat, wedged in between Oliver and Vic.

Oh, the joy.

The backseat was pretty small, and the three of us were squished together, our bodies touching in every possible way. It would have been awkward considering what had happened between Vic and I, but that awkwardness was intensified by the fact that I was now on the outs with Oli, too.

The roads were quite bumpy, filled with potholes and cracks, and Vic's hand - which was resting on his knee - kept knocking into my thigh. I was trying to act casual and unbothered, but every time he touched me, I felt all tingly inside, and goosebumps arose on my arms.

God, what was wrong with me?

I was starting to get the feeling he was doing it on purpose just to irritate me. That suspicion only increased further when I tried to subtly move away - which was fucking hard, because there was nowhere to move to - and saw him smirk out of the corner of my eye.

Ugh.

//

Once we got back to Justin's place, we started unpacking the groceries, shoving them into the fridge and freezer alike. That was my least favorite part of grocery shopping; unpacking everything. My favorite part was the eating.

Jaime turned some music on while we put everything away, the artist's voice blaring throughout the entire house. Afterwards, the rest of the guys started grabbing some beers, and snacks to munch on before settling into the comfort of the cushioned sofa.

Oli was the only one who didn't join them, and instead headed into the kitchen all alone. I followed after him, eager to clear up this misunderstanding between us.

"Oli?" I whispered. I didn't want the others to hear our conversation, even though I doubted they could over the music that was blasting through the speakers and their laughter that was so boisterous that it was flowing into the kitchen.

"What?" He asked, somewhat snappily, turning to glare at me as he grabbed a beer from the fridge.

"I'm sorry. " I said, deciding to just come right out and say it. "I didn't mean to offend you."

"Is it really that hard to believe I like you?" He asked, raising an eyebrow as he tilted his head back to take a gulp of the beverage.

"Well, yeah, it is. I just... I assumed things. I'm not good with relationships." I said.

I cringed when I heard the words fall from my lips. I hated sounding like your stereotypical love interest in a novel who 'isn't good at and doesn't do relationships.'

I tried to think about something else to say that wasn't cliche and didn't sound idiotic.

After a brief moment of thinking and coming up empty-handed, I decided to just be completely, absolutely truthful for once. About both my feelings, and my life. I hadn't talked about this since it happened, so it was a bit of a sore subject, but I opened my mouth and let the words spill out like paint on a blank canvas.

"A couple years back, I knew this boy. He was a total sweetheart, and we were as close as two friends could possibly be. He was a wonderful person, and one of the best friends I'd ever had," I sighed, "but I was in love with him. And I was so scared of getting hurt that I ended our friendship, even though it meant the world to me. I still regret it to this day, messing everything about like that. It was the biggest mistake of my life. And I'm scared, because I don't want to lose you too, especially over something stupid like this. Over something as stupid as feelings and misunderstandings."

"Oh, Kellin," Oli sighed, seeming to calm down, understand washing across his face. "I'm so sorry about that. I am still mad at you, for thinking I would do something awful like that. But it's the end of the world, and now isn't exactly the time to be holding grudges. So, you know, I'll be your friend no matter what."

I let out the huff of air I'd been holding in, my lungs aching from not breathing for so long. "Thank God."

"But, Kellin..." He paused, setting his beer can down on the table. "I was serious earlier. About what I said. I do wanna be with you."

"Oh."

In the stress of the moment, I'd forgotten that one important detail, and now I was speechless.

"Does the offer still stand?" Oli asked, stepping closer, hopefulness in his eyes.

I should have been jumping for joy, because Oli, one of my closest friends, and the hottest, sweetest guy I'd ever met, finally wanted to be with me.

But for some reason unbeknownst to me, I felt uncertain, and afraid. I didn't know if my feelings had changed, but the thought of having a relationship with Oli didn't spark excitement in me the way it used to. Instead, it just made me feel uneasy, and a tiny bit queasy.

I could tell Oli wanted to kiss me, because his eyes kept wandering down to my lips, and I was torn between whether or not I wanted him to. I felt like I didn't know anything anymore.

There was the clearing of a throat from behind me, and although I didn't know who it was yet, I was grateful for their intervention.

Oli looked annoyed, though. "We'll talk later." He said quietly as he walked past me on his way out of the kitchen.

When I turned around to see who had walked in, I wasn't surprised to see Vic. It seemed like no matter where I was, or what I did, he always found some way to involve himself in my life, whether that be in a good way or a bad way.

"Hey," I said, forgetting for a moment that he hated me.

I didn't expect him to say hi, so I was more than a little stunned when he did. I had expected him to ignore me or at least throw an offhand insult at me, like he usually did.

"Kellin," He said instead. "Can I ask you a question?"

There was a serious look in his eyes that wasn't normally there, no hint of joke, and I knew that whatever he wanted to ask must be important.

"Go ahead." I said, taking a swig of my drink just for something to do.

"I heard you say that you were in love with someone, and you ended your friendship with that person, because you were scared. I just can't help but wonder... was that -were you talking about me?"

I felt my blood run cold, and suddenly, I wished that I'd chosen to kiss Oli instead of allowing our conversation to be interrupted. Any way to avoid this confrontation with Vic seemed like a good idea. It was as if all the blood in my body had stopped flowing and instead frozen into pure ice. I couldn't speak.

Because, as much as I denied it and avoided talking about it, it was true. At one point in time, back when we lived in each other's pockets and spent every moment together, I'd been in love with him.

But it'd a secret for so long, one that I had taken extreme measures to contain, that I couldn't fathom the thought of him finally knowing after all this time. This was my secret to keep, and there was no point in telling him now, not when it was no longer true. It was five years too late, and I didn't love him anymore.

"No. " I said, as easily as breathing, and I didn't know how I did it, but I did. "I wasn't talking about you."

A look of disbelief flashed across Vic's face, his eyebrows raised, and I knew he was going to say something. I knew it, and I didn't want to hear a single word of it, so I continued on before he could speak.

"I've ended a lot of friendships," I said, even though that was a total lie. "Do you really think you're that special?"

There were so many things I still wanted to say to him, but I was terrified to do so right now. I knew that whatever questions I asked would lead to answers that I wasn't sure I wanted to hear, and that, in return, I would have to answer questions that I wasn't ready to answer.

I pushed past him with ease, not looking back because I didn't want to see the expression that my words had put on his face. I walked into the living room, and he didn't try to stop me, which I was thankful for.

I hated the way my stomach was flipping with butterflies just like it used to when he entered the room or when he spoke. I didn't know what it meant. Or maybe I did, and I just wasn't ready to admit it to myself yet.

As I walked further and further away from him, I made a promise to myself that I would talk to Vic about that kiss tomorrow, and ask him what it meant. If it even meant anything at all. Maybe it was kind of silly, to prolong things when people were disappearing out of thin air, but I didn't think I could gather up the courage to talk to him today. I needed time to prepare.

I plopped down onto the sofa, placing myself in between Oli and Justin, and I avoided looking at Vic for the rest of the night, my racing heartbeat never faltering once.


	4. Part A: Four

I awoke the next day to a foot prodding me in the side; which, let me tell you, does not feel pleasant.

The person - whose identity was still unknown - nudged me in the ribs in a way that was anything but gentle, their sharp toenails digging into my flesh. I groaned and rolled over onto my side, opening my eyes to see a blurry looking Vic standing over me, almost a shadow.

As the drowsiness of sleep wore off, I realized I was lying on the floor, with a bottle of wine only a quarter full laid beside me with the cap off. There were various empty cans of beer sprawled haphazardly across the floor, and I was pretty sure there was dried drool on my chin, too.

Vic looked down at me. Literally. He seemed more intimidating than usual or maybe that was because I was closer to the ground than I normally was.

"What the hell do you want?" I asked grouchily, running my hand through my messy hair self-consciously and squinting up at him.

For some reason I wasn't hungover like I had been yesterday. I couldn't remember much from last night, the details kind of fuzzy and unclear when I thought back, but I knew I drank a lot, even more than I had that night at Justin's party.

Although I wasn't hungover, I was definitely tired. I could remember finally passing out at around three in the morning, and it couldn't be later than six right now. Rays of sunlight were coming in through the blinds, and I could just barely hear the birds chirping outside.

I stood up, stumbling the slightest bit, but Vic was there and he reached out, his hands latching onto my sides and steadying me. I felt so small under his touch, his large hands encasing my waist.

When I got a better look at him, I could tell he was upset. His face was all blotchy, like he'd been crying.

I softened my tone. "What happened?"

"Jaime is gone." He said, his voice lacking any emotion. I looked into his eyes, trying to understand what he was feeling, but it was like looking into a black hole, or what I'm imagined a black hole to be like.

Just... empty.

"What?" The five of us had been sleeping in the living room because we didn't want to be by ourselves, so I glanced around the room, looking for Jaime's sleeping figure.

Justin was sleeping on the couch shirtless, while Oli laid on the coffee table, little snores emitting his parted lips. But Jaime was nowhere to be found.

"I woke up to go to the bathroom and he wasn't there." He said.

"Why did you wake me up?" I asked, because I truly didn't understand. He hated me, and although I didn't mind the intrusion on my sleep, I wondered; why would he want to confide in me - of all people - about his feelings?

"Because I know you weren't fond of Jaime, but I felt like you would understand."

"Oh." I whispered.

Vic grabbed me by the arm, and lead me into the kitchen where - I assumed - we would be able to have more of a private conversation without having to worry about one of the others waking up and overhearing. I pulled out one of the chairs to the kitchen table and sat down. Vic followed my lead.

For a moment we sat there, light seeping in through the blinds as the sun rose higher in the sky. Vic was staring at the floor, perfectly still to the point where I was afraid he was dead.

"I know you hated him." Vic said, speaking softly. "And he was mean to you. But he wasn't like that with me, or with anyone else, really. And regardless of the way he treated you, he was my best friend. I don't know what to do without him. He was sort of all I had left."

It might seem insensitive - and it was, I knew it was - but for a moment I felt a sting in my chest, like a bee had gotten inside me and pierced my heart with its stinger.

And do you know why I felt this way? Because he was calling Jaime his best friend. Jesus Christ, it was a horrible time to feel jealous like this, but I couldn't help it.

I knew better than anyone that Vic and I weren't friends, and we hadn't been for a longtime. But I think I would always feel this jealousy towards the people he was close to, because they still knew him, all his current interests and hobbies and the things that made him laugh so hard that he cried. But I didn't know any of that anymore. All I had were old memories lost in the past, and a painful reminder of what we used to be before I went ahead and fucked it all up.

"I'm sorry," I said, because I wasn't good at comforting people, and I didn't know what else there was to say. It seemed like the only appropriate thing to do was apologize. After all, what can you do to comfort someone when their best friend has just died? I couldn't think of anything that would make me feel better if Justin or Oli were to die.

Vic looked at me. Just looked at me, with a neutral expression on his face. It was kind of like he was staring straight through me. Then, his perfect mask of 'calm and unaffected' fell, allowing tears to slip down his face.

His eyes were wide, and red. I could tell he was trying to hold it all in, but that didn't stop the strangled sob that escaped his throat, forcing its way through his clenched teeth.

I felt my heart crack in two at the sight of him, eyes full of grief and tears streaming down his cheeks. The last time I'd seen him cry had been five years ago, when I told him that our friendship was a mistake, that he was a mistake. I hadn't been able to hold him back then even though I'd wanted to, and I wasn't surprised to find that I ached to hold him now, too.

Before I knew what I was doing, I jumped up from my chair and rushed over to him, grabbing him, and pulling him into my arms. He went willingly, throwing his arms around my back and holding onto me so tightly that it almost hurt.

His face was tucked into my neck, and I could tell when the warm tears fell from his eyes, because they landed on my skin.

"I know you wouldn't understand... but Jaime wasn't as bad as you thought he was." Vic said, his voice choked.

I stayed quiet, because I knew he wasn't seeking a response; he just wanted someone to listen to what he had to say without inputting their opinion.

I hated Jaime, because I had no reason to feel otherwise. He'd been cruel to me ever since he and Vic became friends, and we didn't have a past like Vic and I did. But if there was one thing I was grateful for, it was that Jaime was there for Vic when I wasn't.

"He was great." Vic continued. "I know you think he only wanted to fuck me, but it wasn't like that. He cared about me. Really, really cared about me. He was there for me when things were rough."

I could tell he was getting choked up again, his voice going all watery and wet, so I patted him on the back in what I hoped was a comforting manner, urging him to go on.

I knew he needed this, to talk it all out and express his grief. And I wanted to be there for him in every way possible, even if I wasn't sure why.

"When you left, I was a mess. And Jaime... He swooped in, and he made me whole again. I know it sounds romantic, but it wasn't like that. He just got me, in a way I can't explain or understand. Now he's gone... and I have no one."

"You have me. " I said, for reasons I didn't understand. It just felt necessary. I wanted it to be true.

He laughed, and tugged himself out of my arms. His eyes were puffy and swollen. "You're not my friend, Kellin." He said, and although it sounded mean, it wasn't spoken that way. He said it matter of factly, like it was the truth.

And it was, I knew it was, because he didn't really have me, and I wasn't really there for him.

"I can be." Was all I could think to say in reply.

He shook his head. "You hate me, and I hate you. You fucked me over. I don't think we'll ever be friends again."

I could feel him slipping away, if that made any sense. When he was crying in my arms, he was speaking freely and confiding in me like he knew he could, like it was normal. All his walls were down, and I wasn't an enemy; I was just a person, someone to listen.

But now he was coming back to reality, the overwhelming feelings of sorrow fading away enough to bring him back down to earth, and realize just who it was he was crying to.

Everything went quiet. With both Vic and I silent, the sound of Oli snoring in the background was the only noise in the entire room, aside from the faint chirping of the birds outside. It wasn't a comfortable silence either, and the room felt suffocating.

I started to think to fill the empty space. But I couldn't think about anything other than about how Jaime was gone, and although that didn't affect me the way it did Vic, it was something that was happening to everyone; to my friends, and to my family, and eventually, to me.

Though I was afraid of what would happen when I finally disappeared, the thought that shook me the most was of my family ceasing to exist.

I felt myself starting to tear up just thinking about them. Yesterday had been the first day of the apocalypse - though it felt like the day dragged on - and I knew my first priority should have been to find them and make sure they were alright. But I never got the chance.

The second I woke up, the news of the impending end of the world was thrust upon me, and that was overwhelming to begin with. After that, I'd wanted to go out and look for them, but never found the courage to ask either Justin or Oli to go with me. In a way, I didn't want to look for them, because I was terrified of what I might find.

I hadn't forgotten about them at all, and I hoped they didn't think I had, if they were even still alive to begin with. The thought was painful, but I knew it was a possibility.

Were they still here on earth? Or had they been taken away by whatever was causing everyone to vanish? Were they huddled together in the house, terrified and alone while I was out getting drunk?

Or had they fled when they heard the news of people disappearing?  
I wondered if that was it, if they had packed up and gone without alerting me.

Mom wasn't answering her phone, Kailey was too young for one, and Hudson never paid his phone bill on time. I couldn't get a hold of my mom or siblings, and it wasn't for lack of trying. After we were done shopping yesterday, I'd locked myself in the bathroom and made phone calls, but I got sent to voicemail each time. What was even more worrisome was that no one called back. I didn't know what that meant.

Had she really left without even a thought of where I was? I couldn't imagine her doing that. She'd always loved me so much.

"I don't know what I'd do without you, baby boy." She'd say. "You're such a big help, helping raise your brother and sister even though you're just a child yourself."

I hoped they were alive and well. I wanted to see them again, and tell them I loved them face to face, one last time.

"What are you thinking about?" Vic asked, the loudness of his voice startling me out of my thoughts.

For a moment I had been so consumed in my worries that I'd forgetting I was still sitting here with Vic. I quickly wiped at the tears on my face with the sleeves of my sweater. It didn't help much though, because the tears kept coming without prevail.

"Nothing," I lied, biting down on my bottom lip and trying to force myself to stop crying.

"Really... Tell me." He prodded.

"My family." I said, after a moment's hesitation, because maybe he would understand and - even if he didn't - listen. He knew how important my mother and my siblings were to me.

"What about them?"

"I miss them. Don't you miss yours?" I asked, which was an automatic but stupid question to ask.

"No." He shrugged. "Not really. But you know my relationship with my family isn't very good. Anyway, tell me more."

I nodded. That was true. Vic's mother and father used to be the nicest people, but when they found out he was bisexual, things changed. They weren't the kind of parents who would kick their child out of the house, but Vic's close relationship with them had definitely been affected.

"There's not much to tell." I said.

"Don't lie. I know you, and I know how much you love your family. You could go on and on, so don't feel the need to hold back. You can talk to me. I owe you, for making you listen to me cry about Jaime."

I sighed. It was too early for this many deep talks and so much crying, but I went along with it anyway.

"I miss my mom. I miss going over there in the mornings, and eating her cooking. I miss playing video games with Hudson, and watching cartoons with Kailey." I heard my voice break. "I miss them so fucking much. But l can't get a hold of Mom. I want them to be okay. But I think deep down I know that they're not. Just like Jaime. Just like everyone else."

I put my head down so I didn't have to look at him. I was embarrassed to cry in front of others. I always felt like they were silently judging me.

"I miss them," I said shakily, teardrops falling down and landing onto the wooden surface of the table. "And no matter how hard I try, I can't remember what the last thing I said to them was. I just... I just wanted to tell them I love them one last time. I want to hug them. I want to say goodbye, but now I can't."

I felt a hand on the side of my face as Vic tilted my chin up so he could look at me.

I didn't want him to look at me. I didn't want anyone to look at me. I was a mess. I was a wreck.

He leaned in close and I was so preoccupied with staring into his eyes that I didn't even realize when my sobs slowly came to a stop. I didn't know what he was doing, but it made me feel nervous.

I could see every detail of his face right now. All the little imperfections, like his slightly crooked nose, and the gap between two of his teeth. But what I noticed the most were his eyes. His lovely brown eyes.

His eyes searched mine, and somehow, staring into them, I felt a strange calmness wash over me. It was almost like his eyes were speaking to me, saying the soothing words his lips wouldn't.

He leaned in closer, and I felt my heart begin to race. He closed his eyes, and I instinctively did, too.

I thought he was going to kiss me, but instead I felt his lips softly press against my right cheek, and then the other. It was then that I realized what he was doing; kissing my tears away. It was so cliche and movie like, but it made my heart swell with appreciation for the thoughtfulness of the gesture. How had I ever given this boy up?

"I'm so sorry... I know it hurts, but even though I don't understand how you feel, I'll be here for you no matter what." Vic said gently.

But you won't, I thought to myself, because once this trance like moment we're in is over, things will go back to the way they used to be, and you'll still hate me.

Just like he said earlier; I'd fucked him over. And we would never be friends again.

I kept my eyes closed, even as he pulled away and his fingers replaced his lips, wiping the tears away with his pointer finger and thumb. His touch was light and gentle, fingertips brushing over my skin as soft as feathers.

Once he stopped touching me, retracting his hand back to his side, I opened my eyes. I couldn't do anything but sit there, and just stare at him, blinking slowly.

Why had he done that? Why was he nice to me? Most importantly, why did I care how he felt about me?

Vic was so confusing. One minute he was telling me he hated me, that we would never be friends again, and the next, he said he would be there for me no matter what. I couldn't handle all these mixed signals.

"Why did you-?" I started to ask him, but he stopped me.

"Today, we'll go look. I'll help you look for your family." He said, offering me the smallest of smiles

I opened my mouth, unsure of what I was about to say. Maybe I was going to voice how grateful I was or maybe I would have even done something stupid like kissed him, but I never got the chance to find out, because I stopped short at the sound of footsteps coming towards the kitchen.

Unable to say anything in reply, I gave a short nod and a smile in return.

Somehow, I felt like a child who was about to be caught doing something bad, like stealing from the cookie jar. It didn't make sense, because all Vic and I were doing was talking, but it didn't change the way I felt.

Oli walked into the room, rubbing his eyes and barely giving us a second glance. He was clearly too tired to question anything, like why I was standing in the middle of the kitchen having a serious, tear inducing conversation with my arch nemesis.

I sighed and looked away as Vic and I's eyes met. With Oli in the room, the tension between us was almost unbearable. Like always, there were so many things I wanted to say that couldn't be said, and I hated that.

The awkwardness of the situation wasn't going away, so I left before it could get worse, hand reaching up to touch the spot on my cheek where Vic had kissed me.


End file.
